Sunday, February 21, 2010

The Skinny.

So what’s this malarkey all about?

Well, for Christmas 2009, I gave my mate Lorin a pack of Bar Secrets: Sydney cards – basically 52 short reviews of bars throughout Sydney, printed on a deck of cards. Here’s Lorin modelling the cards for you. She’s good like that.

Now, we’re not usually the kind of people who go around just promoting things willy-nilly (willies excepted), but any product that tacitly encourages people to visit a bar every week of the year is pretty much near the top of the Perpetual List Of Awesome (which we keep neatly folded in the fourth drawer down in the kitchen, near the takeaway menus and old Allen keys).

Anyway, being a pair of thirsty girls with adventurous spirits (especially where spirits are concerned) and a penchant for taking simple things way too far, Lorin and I decided to visit every bar in the pack and write our own reviews.

You’re welcome, kidneys.

We have to have guidelines, though. Without guidelines there is chaos. You know that. So….

Visitation Rights
We’re not putting pressure on ourselves to visit one bar a week – we’ll go as often as we can, and do at least one bar each time. If the bar on the card is no longer there, we’ll just visit whatever is there. Might make it a bit difficult if it’s since become a bikie clubhouse, a brothel or a construction site, but bringing a picnic isn’t totally out of the question. We’ll roll with it. Guest drinkers are more than welcome to come along and throw in their two cents, but we be the boss ladies, mmkay?

Drinky Drinky
We will each order a minimum of two drinks in every bar we visit.
First drink:
Lorin – Vodka & Dry
Jo – Gin & Tonic
Second drink:
A cocktail each – anything that’s being promoted as the bar’s ‘special’ and/or whatever the barman recommends.

Criteria, or Stuff We Noticed And That.
We’re leaving no turn unstoned here. Things that are important to us, that we will be taking special notice of:
Aesthetics/Ambience – how spunky the bar looks
Clientele – what sort of crowd the bar attracts
Service – if it’s good or bad, warm or intrusive, fast or slow
Hotness Of Staff – I want my drinks served by the genetically gifted. Don’t lie. So do you.
Music – what is it? Does it suit the place? Are we tempted to throw down a little interpretive dance?
Toilets – Aqueous haven or fetid cesspool?
Drinks – Der. We’re not here for a haircut. How’s the strength, flavour, price, garnish and coaster?
What makes this place special? – Kind of explained this one in the heading there, really. Move on.

We hope you'll join us on our tippling odyssey. It also might be nice if you called us a cab occasionally and laughed at our jokes. It’s what any good drinking buddy would do.


Mama Mogantosh said...

I haven't been out at night in forty-five years, so I'm very, very excited.

plus, if I may...

you're a cab.

Anonymous said...

Um, come I just found out about this?

Jo said...

a) because we only just got off our arses to do it just now; and
b) because despite my magical robot powers from the future, you're anonymous, so I wasn't sure I had your number. I'll definitely call next time, though. Pinkie swear.

Phillis said...

Awesome idea ladies. I will be keeping a keen eye on this thinly veiled excuse for dressing up and getting down. Being a self proclaimed expert inall thing G&T I might even invite myself along.

Mike in Broome said...

This almost makes me want to live in Sydney- I'm already working out how many 5-day visits I can reasonably fit 52 bars into.

Say 1.5?

Anonymous said...

This SO makes me want to visit Sidney.

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Beau said...

What if the bar has been turned into a hairdressers? Then you may very well be there for a haircut